I used to write stuffs, some little verses I called “𝙿𝚘𝚎𝚖𝚜” in which I was trying to express the shades of my fantasy. Then I suddenly stopped, It was the beginning of 2013.
A beautiful angel left the earth, that pure soul was the last one asking me for my “𝙿𝚘𝚎𝚖𝚜”. I felt like I had to stop writing them, I don’t know why. Now sometimes I still write, not poems but thoughts.
So in this new uneasy day here we go again:
“I know I’m not going to die, not right now at least, but knowing you’re going to go under the knives makes you think, more than usual.
And I think about the pain I’ve been going through when I was a kid, if I think about it and I focus deeply I can feel it, like it’s still there somehow. All the words that I’ve been told from people that cared and from people that didn’t. “You’re a loser” “You talk way too much” “Are you stupid?” “Look what you’re doing! You’re clumsy” “You look like a clown” “You’re not funny” blablablabla. Sometimes I can’t believe people would say and use words like that.
They were sharp as blades or subtle as predators, that’s how they slowly introduced themselves inside my mind, sneaking inside without me realizing it. Those thoughts started to redefine the way I was seeing and perceiving myself. You grow up thinking you’re not enough, that you’re awkwardly different. Then you feel like you’re too much: the way you talk, the way you think and the way you are YOU.
You know what happens in those cases?
You start to reduce yourself, your power and your self esteem lower down. You keep going on as nothing ever happened, but then one day you have to face the truth. You’re forced to reassemble the pieces, and you finally find a way to cope.
That way though it’s not short nor easy, on the opposite it’s long and winding, but it makes you stronger, and it makes you special. (Slide the pictures for reading the end)
#thoughts #operation #life #death #angel #earth #pride
#writing #selflove #fight #fighter #blackandwhite #special #acceptance #recovery #snake #infinite #change #shifting #grow #growing